It has been called to my attention that my commenting system is not working. I apologize. I’ve e-mailed Josh about it, and hopefully he’ll be able to fix it soon. In the meantime, if you have something important I need to know, e-mail me. If everyone needs to know, I’ll post it. 
I just wanted to let everyone know that Verizon is the scum of the earth when it comes to business service. Here we have two lines running into the same house. Two lines…exactly the same. They both used to be residential lines, and we used to get charged the same amount for each line. Now, one line has been designated as a business line. What changed about it? Just the name. Oh, apparently it also gets processed through a different office. And apparently the people in THAT office get paid twice as much and the desks are made of gold, because it is somehow necessary for them to charge me twice as much just for the simple privelage of having the line (not to mention how much more they charge me for phone calls). Verizon….bringing hypocrisy to a new level.
Ali seems to think I’m depressed. The kind of depressed that “needs” medicine. I think that’s a crock.
Sure, I may not be happy all the time, but…can you blame me? I spend almost all of my time in my house, doing…well, doing nothing. And that time that I’m doing nothing drives me insane, because surely there’s something I should be doing. But I can’t figure out what that something is. Those unfortunately rare moments where I get to work, those are good moment, because I have purpose again. But these long stretches of time in between….well, who wouldn’t get depressed? Sometimes I wake up in the morning and realize that there’s no real point to waking up, because what am I going to do? It doesn’t matter if I stay in bed or not…it probably won’t change the outcome of the day. But I don’t think it will always be like this. Or at least, I certainly hope it won’t. It’s hard to stay cheery and happy all the time while you feel like you are wasting away. But even if there were problems and it was stressful and there were money issues…even through all that, if there was constant work, and if there was something to keep me occupied, I think my outlook would be very different.
Of course, the obvious suggestion from most people would be, “Then go back to work until business picks up.” I’m sorry, but unless it becomes absolutely necessary financially, that’s not going to happen. I CANNOT go back to a regular day job. It would crush me psychologically to think I had failed. And despite contrary opinions, I think it would be detrimental to the business. Customers take notice of things like the fact that every time they call you, they get the answering machine, and generally you don’t call back until the next day, and usually somewhere around lunch time. They notice that. But more importantly, I can’t let myself think that I’ve failed, and going to back to a full time job is admitting defeat.
So, stand in my shoes for a minute or two, and then try to remain cheerful. I think anyone would be a bit depressed…
I’m 25 now. I was going to do a little year in review thing, but I have to leave for a gig soon, and besides…it’ll require some more thought. I don’t remember doing anything all that exciting in the past year. Here’s one thing I thought of this morning….
On my birthday last year, I was still working at BML Stage Lighting. By the end of the year, I had left there and was working at Circuit Lighting. Early in 2001, I got fired from Circuit Lighting and went to work at ETS. About two months ago, I left ETS and started working for myself full time. Apparently I just can’t hold down a job….
It’s a good thing for UPS that people like me are honest. They have this tendency to just leave things on my steps. Sometimes they don’t even knock on the door…they just drop the package and leave. The problem, for them, is that no one ever signs for the package, so there is no real proof that the package was delivered. Now, today I called a company I had ordered something from because I only received part of the order. According to their website, the order had shipped, and according to UPS tracking information, it had been delivered. When I called the company, they told me that the items had been delivered and that they had been left on my front porch. I told them that I had not, in fact, received the items. They said, “Are you sure? Sometimes they leave them at the back door or inside the gate.” “Nope, I’m sure they’re not here.” “Alright, well, we’ll ship it out to you again. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Now, I was supposed to recieve six of this item, and I was only shipped one. The customer service guy said, “Okay, we’ll ship out six of them.” “No,” I said, “I only need five.” “Oh, okay…we’ll ship five.” However, since there was no record from UPS of anyone signing for these items, I could very easily have received all six of them, and then called and said I never got them. I didn’t, but the point is, UPS is stupid…
Bryan tells me I should be writing more. The problem is, my mind has been mostly occupied with thoughts about my business lately that I haven’t had much else to write about. You see, I’m at a precarious point right now. I’m running out of money. I need to start actively marketing, or I’m soon going to have to return the “real” world and get a full-time job again. I don’t want to do that. But I don’t have the money that I need to put my marketing into action. The obvious answer seems to be a loan, but as I’ve previously expressed, this is not something I’m entirely comfortable with. I don’t see why not…obviously other businesses have done it before, and if I’m confident in my offering and in the marketing plan I’ve devised, there shouldn’t be a problem. I really need to talk to my accountant, but I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. Well, it’s August…he’s probably on vacation.
Anyway, my theory is that I’m starting to bore everyone with talk about my business and that you really don’t want to hear about it anymore. So that’s why I haven’t really written much, lately. Hopefully things will start to work out and then my life will stabilize and I’ll be a more interesting person.
Alright, let me set the record straight. Yes, I do realize that it may be necessary for me to get a loan. I am prepared for that fact, but I’d rather avoided it as I have harbored some romantic notion of being able to start up the business without relying on bank loans. It has been done before by other people, but I simply don’t think it’s possible in my situation any longer.
I am aware that one has to spend money to make money. Believe me, I understand it. What most people miss when they read that is the hidden text after spend money. It says “wisely”. Spending money just makes you not have money. Just as getting a loan without A LOT of prior thought about where that loan money is going makes you not have money.
I have looked into government grants, and they are not the fountain of money that people would like you to believe they are. Yes, the government does give out a lot of money. No, they do NOT give it out for free. You can’t get nothing for nothing, as they say in Brooklyn (I think…you and I both know it’s a double negative, but, well…feggedaboutit). The government doesn’t want their money back, but they do want SOMETHING and many people can’t do that something. You can’t just say, “I want $30,000 to expand my business” and have the government say, “Here it is. Have a nice day.” Generally you have to support some cause, or tailor your business towards something specific that the government wants. Now, sometimes you are lucky enough to be able to fulfill those things, but I think I probably am not. And, well, unfortunately I’m not a minority, nor am I working in an underdeveloped urban area. So, government money is probably out.
Which is probably okay. You see, I’m looking to get a loan of between $25,000 and $40,000. In the grand scheme of loans…that’s not really too much. With proper financial management and hopefully a successful marketing campaign, I should be able to pay that back fairly quickly. Still, it’s not what I want to do, and it makes me nervous. When you work off of your own money, you have more time to make things work. When you work off of the bank’s money…well, when the money runs out, you better have more money so that you can pay the bank back. If you don’t, the business is gone. Once I borrow the bank’s money, I’ve put the business onto a definite time table…I’ve got this long to make it work, or I’m out of business. When I was just using my money, I could develop things slowly. See the difference? That’s why I’m nervous. I CAN’T lose my business. Because if I did, what would I do? Go back to a regular job? No, I don’t think I can do that. So, now you see the problem. Believe me, I’m thinking about it. I’m always thinking about it. I’m just working on making sure I pick the right solution.
Looking for 20 Grand
Well, I did some rough numbers on my marketing plan. It should end up costing somewhere over $20,000 for the year. Anyone have that money lying around that they don’t need? I’ll pay you back (I hope).
So…I haven’t really blogged much lately. Nothing of substance, anyway. I just haven’t really felt like it. Lately, I don’t know….I’ve just been feeling….not right. I just don’t really find much happiness in much of anything anymore. I guess that’s the best way to describe it. It’s relatively undescribable.
Anyway, I’m just rolling along with business stuff, I suppose. I’m developing a marketing plan and next month I’ll be launching a somewhat aggressive adverstising campaign. Keep your fingers crossed.
Other than that….well….believe Friday’s when they tell you that their new hamburgers are really good. It turns out that they are.