Thanks to Bryan and the power of Blogvoices, you can now join in on conversations on this website. Simply click on the “Discuss” button to post your comment about something posted here. Also, you can now e-mail me about anything by clicking on the “E-mail Darren” button. Thanks, Bryan.
Further Proof That God Hates Me:
Every time my wife and I plan a party, no one shows up to it. I don’t think it’s because no one likes us…at least, I’d like to hope that that’s not it. So we planned this housewarming party for Saturday night, and finally there were 30 to 40 people who were supposed to be there. Since God figured that this couldn’t happen, we instead had a foot of snow on Saturday, and had to postpone the part.
But It’s All Okay Because…
Now this is strange. This doesn’t usually happen. But in a strange twist, God made everything work out okay. Since there was all this snow, I figured I’d invite a few friends who lived nearby to come here and get snowed-in. They all stayed over, and it was a lot of fun. I really like having everyone here like that. I’ve always liked being the host….I’m just apparently not very good at.
So…my post about Victoria’s Secret spawned this conversation on Bryan’s website, in case anyone is interested. Just click on the little .d to join in….
It’s always interesting to watch people in this store…particularly men. When a man walks into Victoria’s Secret, he sees lots of beautiful women in the store. He sees these women looking at, touching, and purchasing panties and bras…and sometimes other lingerie. Being a man, he has no choice but to imagine these beautiful women in these items. The women in the store see this man, and know that this is what he is thinking. Or, at least, the man thinks this is what they are thinking. This makes the man sufficiently uncomfortable to begin with.
Then there are the very nice women who work in the store. I think these women are trained when they are hired to attempt to make men feel more comfortable in the store. They really try. But they only manage to make you feel much more conspicuous. You really only want to be left alone, to attempt to blend into the bright pink walls. But they come right up to you with a big smile and ask you if you need help with anything. You laugh nervously, point at your girlfriend or wife, mumble something, quickly turn your gaze away from this beautiful woman who you are now picturing in her Victoria’s Secret lingerie, and scuffle off after the woman you came in with.
While you are doing this, you are being as careful as possible not to touch anything. Now, this can be tough, because you are in a paradise of silky, satin-y objects that you normally don’t get to touch unless you are lucky, and you REALLY want to touch everything. But you can’t, because you know that all of the women in the store are watching you (aren’t they?). Being incredibly paranoid at this point, you go out of your way to not touch anything. You put your hands firmly in your pockets, and refuse to remove them until after you’ve left the store. Of course, if you’re not wearing a jacket, you might have to put your hands in your pants pockets, and then suddenly you feel even more conspicuous. Putting your hands behind your back, you scurry off again to find your girlfriend or wife, hoping that she will be ready to go….
On The Family Man:
This movie managed to simultaneously piss me off and depress me…and yet I liked it, also. Here’s the thing….
It pissed me off because he got to keep his great life that he had before.
It depressed me because his suburban life…and all the stupid, ridiculous suburban life….ack…it could be mine someday, and…well, I don’t want that. I want the other side….the rich side. Here’s the problem….
Ali (my wife) and I are on different sides of this movie. She’d be perfectly content for the suburban life with the kids and the dog and the mini-van and whatever. I, on the other hand, want very much to have all of the good things in life…all of the expensive things. I want to be wealthy, and to be treated like the wealthy are treated and to be able to do and have all of those things. Don’t get me wrong…I want kids, too. Just not with all that suburban crap that was in that movie. I think this is where the conflict comes in between Ali and I. I need to get somewhere near that point before I can start having kids. Oh, I figure I’ll probably never be wealthy…but I need to go as far as I can before I can settle down, because otherwise I’ll always wonder what it could have been like. And I don’t want ANY resentments when I have kids. I don’t want ANY regrets. I want to be happy and content with my life…and then make it better by bringing those little miracles into it.
That’s where the movie pissed me off. (If you haven’t seen it, and you want to, stop reading here….)
He didn’t have to give anything up. He didn’t have to sacrifice. In the end, he got the girl and got to keep his rich lifestyle. So…big deal. I could do that, too. I’d love to do that. I made the right choice…I married my love. Ahhh….I don’t know. I want so much more out of life right now…and it’s not that I don’t like my life the way it is…but…..ahhh….well, everything happens for a reason, right? So things will work out the way they are supposed to, and I’ll just keep doing what I can to steer my life along the path that I want it to be on….
Apparently somewhere after the time I left college, washing machines got very complicated. I was truly baffled just now when I tried to do laundry on our new washing machine. There are so many buttons and dials and things….how the heck am I supposed to know what to use? And then my wife informs me that the instructions on the label for my clothes, the only guideline I have to follow…are wrong! THAT’S why I don’t do laundry….
I’m going to take a minute to share my feelings here, which isn’t something I do very often…so those of you who know me and want to know more, pay attention…and those of you who don’t…well, this doesn’t happen every day.
In case you couldn’t tell by my last post, I’m really upset about Bryan leaving. I get upset whenever any of my friends move away. Now, sure, everyone gets upset when a friend moves away, but hear me out. I’ve never been that close with my family. I don’t even talk to my brother anymore, and the way things have been going with my parents…well, who knows? All throughout school, until my sophomore year in high school, I was never a popular kid. I was downright geeky, or so everyone would tell me on a daily basis. I hated my life, as I’m sure most kids in that situation do. My brother experienced a similar childhood (he’s four years older than me). But I got smart. I watched things that my brother would do, and I said, “I’m not going to be like that.” And I’d learn from his mistakes. I knew that I needed friends. I began to conform myself to other people, in some cases disregarded my own individuality, because I was so fed up with being made fun of and I just wanted to be accepted. To me, friends were far more important. I don’t regret that decision, and I’m not saying that it ruined my life or made me miserable or anything like that. Quite to the contrary…my friends saved my life. By my junior year of high school, I considered myself to be fairly popular. By senior year of high school, I had everything I wanted…lots of friends, leads in all the school plays, a girlfriend, a car, and no real responsiblities. And if it hadn’t been for that…if it hadn’t been for my friends….well, I’m not sure I would be alive today. Seriously….
So my friends are really important to me. They’re like my family. No…they ARE my family. They’re more my family than my real family is. So when a friend moves away, it’s like losing a member of my family. Sure, even in this modern era, I’ll be able to keep in touch with them…but there’s two issues with that. One, I’m horrible about keeping in touch with people, and two, no matter how often you write to a person, if you don’t see them on a somewhat regular basis, they’re not really a part of your life anymore. You won’t explain every detail of your day to them, and they won’t understand, really, when you tell them certain things, and gradually they become less and less a part of your life. Not only that, but most of my friendships are based upon something that I can’t explain…something that is mostly silent, and basically involves just being in the same room with that person. I don’t necessarily TALK to my friends a lot…but I don’t really need to. We trade quotes back and forth and jokes, but generally our conversations are light. And yet, I know that if I needed them, they’re there for me, and I’m pretty sure they know that whenever they need to talk, or if they need help, I’ll be there for them in a second. Sometimes I don’t feel like they know that….like with Harlan…the guy is my best friend. I’d do ANYTHING for him…and yet sometimes I feel like he can’t talk to me. I hope that’ll change some day.
Anyway…times like this make me assess my life, and think about if I’m doing things right. Here’s where I’m at…I’m 24 years old, I’m married to a great woman. I’m working on establishing my own audio production company, and this year has been pretty good for that. With any luck, in another year or two, I’ll be able to devote full time to that company, and not have to work a day job. I just bought a house, and have been able to fill it with all sorts of new furniture and electronics. I’ve become the Operations Manager for a fairly successful lighting company. All in all, most people would think that I’m doing pretty good. And yet, I don’t really feel that way, and I’m not really all that happy. And I can’t figure out why, exactly. I think I just might not be living my life right. I mean, I read about things that my friends are doing…going places, seeing concerts and shows, experiencing life. And I wonder…what am I doing? Because I don’t feel like I’m experiencing ANYTHING. And as my friends start to go away, I feel like I’ll experience even less, because it seems like the only time I ever go and do anything is when my friends drag me out to do it. You see, I need these people….I need my friends to help make me a better person. And I’m afraid that without them, I’ll sink further into becomming something that I don’t want to be. Bryan used to always talk about these strange things he’d do with his friends Nam and Hoai, and I’d be really jealous, because I wanted to be doing things like that…even though they sounded strange to me. But he was experiencing life…and I wasn’t doing anything. And yet….a lot of people would say that I’m successful. I don’t get it….
I don’t think I ever did get much encouragement when I was younger. I never figured out what I wanted to do. I know most people don’t, but I never even really had a clue. I’m not sure I was pushed towards anything, either. Maybe that’s good…maybe I was allowed to find my own path, or something. I’m not sure.
Anyway…it’s late, and I’m sort of running out of steam here. But I had these things on my mind, and I figured, I had to get them out somewhere. I used to keep journals when I was younger, and I never really cared who read them, because I figured that it was a good way for people to know more about me. I’m not really trying to hide anything….I just don’t really talk about this stuff all that much. So, now it’s out there for anyone who wants to read it. Maybe some of the right people will. Maybe nobody will. I suppose I’ll probably never know one way or the other. But I feel a little better just for having said it….
Sometimes I really envy Bryan. First of all, he’s got an incredible community of people who really care about him. Not just here in New Jersey where his friends and family are, but all around the country there are people who know him and care about him. That’s just amazing. Not only that, he’s got this incredible account of his past year, and he’s able to recall all of that. I can barely remember what I did last week. Finally, he’s had so many great experiences. He goes out and does things, and really always tries to make the best of his life, even if he’s just sitting at his computer. I suppose in some way, that’s why I can’t understand why he has to go to Seattle, since he’s got so much right here. And at the same time, I realize that’s exactly the reason he has to go. But I hope he comes back some day. Things just won’t be the same without him here. I’m really going to miss you, Bryan…
FINE LINE FEATURES || State and Main
I saw a commercial for this today, and I thought, if I miss this movie when it comes out around here, I’m going to be so damn pissed off.